Being in a relationship while at this age can sometimes be confusing and complicated. Oftentimes, people are too busy at work, and sometimes, they get caught up in life, so there’s no time to process everything. Moreover, not everyone is aware of what a healthy relationship looks like, and some end up in, if not abusive, unhappy situations.
If you feel like you relate to that, this article will talk about five truths about relationships, and hopefully, it will help.
Fixing people is not the same as loving them
People who have savior-complex always mix up love (the noun and the verb) and fixing people.
To love goes both ways, someone may not be picture-perfect all the time, and you’ll need to accept that. Stop manipulating people you say you love to become the idea of them you have in your head and call it fixing. That is not fixing. That is projecting. Whom did you love? The person or the idea of love that they could give you?
On the other hand, people who have issues that need fixing need to acknowledge everything and work on themselves. It is rather a selfish act when you tell your significant other to accept you as you are with your unhealthy behavior that already affects your relationship as a whole.
Bottom line: don’t jump into a relationship just because you need to save someone, or you need to be saved. Don’t make someone a rehab for all your childhood issues; you’ll end up sinking not only yourself but someone else too.
“Love is a choice” does not mean embracing the red flags
Love is a choice, perhaps, when your significant other has a short-term memory loss every day, and you’ll have to make her fall in love again over and over again every single day. Yes, that’s 50 First Dates (2005). Not when your significant other is consciously doing things that upset you, hurt you, and invalidate you.
Tolerating and hoping the person would change is not romantic. We all were there, hoping the person who made us fall would return and sweep our feet away. No honey, that’s not how it works.
Just because you love a person a certain amount doesn’t mean it will be reciprocated
It is only normal that we do everything for the person that we say we love. However, it is also human nature to expect the same amount. Yes, technically, that’s love, but it’s not right.
To love with unhealthy expectations is selfishness, and it is ownership. Those are two very different things. It doesn’t matter if you give everything or not, with the right person, you would never have to ask for what you deserve. With the right person, you don’t have to beg for a date in a fancy dinner restaurant; they’ll know, and they will.
Controlling is not the same as worrying and caring
Look, people all worry so much for those they love. However, if certain things or decisions they make do not directly affect you, then you have nothing to be extremely worried about.
You’ve got to trust the person you say you love as they can make their own choices in life. Love should not limit, it should push you forward. Love should not ask you to isolate yourself. Love is not controlling; it’s nourishing. The lines are not blurred with this one because one way or another, if you feel suffocated, that’s all you need to know to differentiate the two.
Love should not hurt
Suppose you have once thought that love hurts and it’s normal. Well, it will certainly hurt when you spend so long away from the person you love and when you see them tired or cry, but not when they are the cause and source of pain.
Love empowers, and it brings out the best in you. No, love makes you do that yourself. It makes you brave enough to address even the parts of yourself that you’re ashamed of. It makes you giggle at the slightest memory of your person, and it brings you pure joy that makes your heart explode. Love is like coming home from a long trip, and there shouldn’t be any place for even the slightest fear and anxiety.
Life is already hard, so when you find someone that brings you peace, hold on to them, life won’t get any easier, but it gets a bit manageable.
Maintaining a relationship and staying in love are two different things but should go hand in hand. If you are lucky enough to be with the person you love, cherish each moment. Do not forget the little things, and don’t forget to do them together.